Understandable. I think in this case it allows a cycle of denial. I think it’s VERY important for someone (me, in this case) to take responsibility for my actions rather than blame others — I just don’t want 100% of it. There’s many generations of built up bullshit which fall on me (and others) I’ll take SO much more than my fair share — but at too far beyond 51% I think there’s another kind of unhealthy thing that happens.. you know?
I think that’s a problem with the system too — Protestant evangelicals especially have devised a system where they can ‘apologize to themselves’ and let themselves off the hook because ‘hey, everybody’s flawed.’
In my journeys and studies and comparisons, I feel pretty strongly that the idea of church was more like getting together with friends, having a bit of wine, and then being CRAZY HONEST with each other — holding each other to account. There was something magical about my breakdown. Sure, the swing caused mania, but also, the amount of freedom from having ‘no more secrets’ was amazing. I think religion is designed to give you that feeling, but modern SE’s have created this thing which has some of the good part — forgiveness and acceptance that we’ll all make mistakes, that we’re all flawed, along with a mechanism to excuse just about anything because ‘we’re forgiven.’
I think this falls in line with the ‘blame’ thing — correlated. Blame will end up escalating-I get that. I think there needs to be a serious disconnection of “blame” and “mechanics” — in other words, if we all apologize for hurting each other without any real attempt to find out the dynamics that caused it, we’ll do it again and again, and no matter how hard we try, of course we hold resentment, and built defense mechanisms, you know?
Thanks for replying.